8 – Haven’t Posted In Awhile

Day: 38

Weight: 103.3

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Tension is rising in the house. We’re all irritable with each other, and being outside of the house is the best thing for me right now. I spend barely any time at home anymore, which is weird because you’d think my room would be clean. It’s filthy.

My “symptoms” worsen every week. Right now I feel weak. Things are dreamy, like they’re not happening. I walk around confused; I can’t stay focused and I forget things very easily. It’s almost funny, I tend to ask the same question 2 minutes after I had just asked it. But I’m “quivery”; my hands shake a lot now. Not to mention my jeggings and skinny jeans are now baggy.

Right at this moment I’m craving a hamburger. That’s all I want. And Oreo‘s, which I can have, but we don’t have any in the house, and I’m completely fasting until tomorrow morning for track. It helps me jump higher, not eating tonight. Don’t ask why, I don’t know.

On Tuesday (yesterday), I won first place in the vault with a height and personal record of 8 feet 10 inches. I was so happy, but so tired all the while. It was 2 inches from 9 feet, my season goal. You should have seen how tired and worn out I was, it showed on my face and in my body. It is a wonderful feeling though, knowing I came to the meet and gave it my all, and then some. The whole team did really well; we beat Milton Hershey, who we haven’t beaten since 1981. It’s fantastic, and to know I contributed, that’s what matters to me. I also earned my varsity letter for the season, and I’ve placed at every meet: first place at four meets so far, first place at four meets, and second at one meet. This season is the most successful of all three years I’ve been in track so far, and we’re only halfway through the season.

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Enough about that though, on Monday I was finally asked to prom, the first time I have ever been asked to a school dance actually (well, the first time I’ve been asked and have actually said yes). It was cute; he works at Subway and did it with a Vegan sub. I couldn’t reject 🙂

We’ve been talking for a couple weeks, and last night after the meet, we were just driving around, and I showed him my favorite place to go where we live. It’s at the top of a mountain, at the end of the road where a cell tower sits. From that point you can see the airport runway lights, all the city lights, and Three Mile Island. At night the scene is beautiful, and it’s where I go when I need some peace and a good view. Anyway, we were up there, sitting on the gravel part of the road, my head on his shoulder, just looking at the lights and talking. That’s where he popped the question. It wasn’t all that smooth, but it was still so sweet, and we’re official now 🙂

Tomorrow is a big day. I’m expecting 9 feet at the meet, AND it’s my birthday. Which kind of sucks too, considering I’m fasting for Lent and eating very little for the meet. Also, I’m meeting the boyfriend’s mom, which I can’t wait for 🙂

Welp, I’m exhausted, and I need my so called “beauty sleep.” Thanks for hanging in there with me, I’m weaker every day, but stronger faithfully and religiously as time passes. For all who read this and are actually close with me, thank you for putting up with my irritability and utter confusion lately. Pain and starvation do that to me. My brain is trying to function the rest of my body, so it’s shutting certain things in my head down temporarily. It’s hard to explain.

Thank you again ❤

Goodnight.

Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way.
Les Brown 

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