9 – It Hurts

Day: 43
Weight: 103

I’m updating on my phone from class today, so this’ll be somewhat quick, probably. Last week was great overall. Not feeling well sucked, but I am such a lucky girl. On Thursday, i won the meet, and my wonderful companion presented me with gorgeous pink flowers and balloons that said happy birthday on them. They were the prettiest flowers i have ever received.

Afterwards, we went to Neato Burrito together with some teammates and i had the best vegan burrito ever. Just rice, refried beans, lettuce, and honestly i think thats it, but it was wonderful.

Saturday night i had pizza with his family… But i had to remove the cheese, so it was just bread and sauce haha.

Yesterday i was craving out of my mind. I wanted a burger, but i couldn’t help that. I wanted chocolate, so while i was grocery shopping, i bought dark chocolate. It was nothing like the real thing though. I was craving McDonalds fries so badly. I DID buy a small fry while i was out, so i could and did cure that craving.

Food isn’t really filling me. It just goes through me now, and i don’t have much protein anymore. I get lactic aid burn after jogging 100 meters, or after just warming up or taking one jump in vaulting. I’m so weak, but channeling energy and pushing through while I’m vaulting; i can do that, despite the difficulty. My condition is bad though. Food looks good, but I can’t stomach it without feeling sick. You should’ve seen my lunch today: barely touched. I’ve slowed the weight loss; there’s not much to really lose anymore. My mental state is bad as well; i have a short temper, and Im so easily insulted. I’m ready for this to be over.

Wish me luck with my week. These next 13 days are going to be the hardest yet. Thanks for sticking with me.

-Marina