11 – If You… We Have Something in Common (Re-do/Summary)

Day: 54

Weight: 103

 

So much reminiscing has been done the past week and a half…fasting does that to me, being in a dreamy state and all. I don’t know why or how, comprehension isn’t easy. Conversations have arisen where I remember past events, one in particular that I’ve had trouble forgetting and not dwelling on. 

In the summer of 2011, when I was 15, I was raped by a 19 or 20 year old on a college campus in the mountains. It’s a long painful story I won’t be sharing the details of, but the words keep replaying in my head: “You can’t tell anyone. No one can know about this or about me.” That’s all he kept saying. That and, “Relax, you’re fine.” 

But I wasn’t fine. It changed me. I immediately isolated myself from my family. I couldn’t face them without being harsh to my sisters. I sat in my room worrying about STD’s, possible pregnancy, and whether I should tell someone what happened. In the end, I told a few close friends, but my family still does not know, and I plan on KEEPING it that way. I was tested later and the tests came back negative for any diseases etc. Instead of going on a hunt for my predator, I forgave him and let him go. He had college and a football scholarship to maintain, and it sounds wrong that I didn’t report, but I was afraid of being looked at differently by my family. That’s what I fear the most: being seen as a different person to my family. Things are a lot better now. Miss Z, I’ve needed that hug this week. Thank you ❤

It’s the last night of fasting. I have to leave for church in 15 minutes, and when I get home, it will be May 5th: Easter. We call it Pascha, and I won’t be allowed to eat from midnight until 1pm tomorrow. The 13 last hours of starvation. Then it’s over. You have no idea how excited I am.

 

Thank you to everyone that stuck with me through this, especially Miss Z for reading every post and following up with me about them the next day. For bringing food and making sure I was eating. For the kind texts, the advice, and the prayers. You helped me so much.

To my blog followers: simply put, you guys are awesome. I will post again sometime this week when I’m not too busy.

I must go. Thank you again, have a wonderful night ❤

 

“When the shriveled skin of the ordinary is stuffed out with meaning, it satisfies the senses amazingly.” Virginia Woolf

7 – So Irritable

Day: 27

Weight: 105.5

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Protruding ribs. Pain. A constant, achy pain all over. Cravings for chocolate. Cravings for steak. Cravings for milk.

My weight fluctuates a lot this week. Today I ate a pretty good amount, so I’m a little heavier than I was this morning. Didn’t give too much effort for the picture this week; I’m really not feeling it.

This’ll be a quick one, I have quite a bit to do, and honestly I’m not feeling too great.

Monday was pretty good, I had the pre-meet ritual salad from Texas Roadhouse, and Tuesday I vaulted pretty well, despite the cold. My facility coach expected 9 feet from me, but I managed to pretty much get my PR when I cleared 8’6″, and he was so proud of it. I got second place in vaulting against our rival school, and I was so happy, to have even placed against our rivals (they’re really good). The girl who won also jumped 8’6″, but because I knocked the bar off one of my jumps early on, and she didn’t, she won. It was a fair competition as always though, and I’m not upset with the outcome!

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Wednesday to Friday were just “ehh”; I’m getting easily insulted by peers, even when they’re simply joking. I’m also not getting enough sleep. Wednesday night, I was up until 1am at the earliest, and awake for school at 5:30am. Thursday night, I was working on a Pre-calculus midterm project and I was up until 1:30am. Actually, I was working on it on the bed; have you ever sat on your bed, tired as can be, knowing you can’t go to sleep or you’ll fail? It’s a horrible feeling, trust me. Anyway, I was up at 5am Friday (yesterday) morning, and it was tough trying to get through the day. Last night was no better, I stayed up until 2:45am looking for and researching colleges. I had to wake up around 6:30 for my sister’s soccer game. I’m absolutely exhausted. But, on the bright side, I found my new top college choice: California University of Pennsylvania. Division II for pole vaulting, a state school, and I can study graphic design. It’s perfect.

This week is going to be demanding. Three trips to Texas Roadhouse for salad and bread, and three meets: regular dual meets on Tuesday and Thursday, and one invitational on Saturday. It’s going to be quite the eventful week and weekend. I’ll definitely let you know how it goes, obviously.

I’ll let ya get back to whatever you were doing now though, I have work to do. Until next week!

Marina

“The world is a beautiful place to be born into – if you don’t mind some people dying all the time – or maybe only starving – some of the time which isn’t half so bad – if it isn’t you.” -Lawrence Ferlinghetti

6 – Getting Pretty Difficult

Day: 21

Weight: 106.0

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The weight loss isn’t showing just yet, as expected. But the other “symptoms” are. I’m in constant pain now, whether it be my abdomen, my calves, my quads, arms, all of the above, or whatever else. Track is slowly getting more difficult, and the workout Friday morning didn’t necessarily help. Or the upside-down crunches I did Thursday (hanging upside down on a bar, holding an 8lb medicine ball, then pulling my head to my knees over and over… possibly my favorite exercise!). They’re kind of impressive, in my opinion, plus they make my abs rock hard and toned 😉 But, in all seriousness, they still hurt, 3 days later (not usual for me).

Oh! And my “date” on Monday! It went really well, he was very sincere and quite the gentleman, but we didn’t “click” I suppose. But the dinner was great: salad with onions and croutons (allergic to the tomatoes and carrots, couldn’t have the hard boiled egg bits or the cheese), and made-from-scratch honey mustard dressing! It was delicious, and not to mention the meet on Tuesday went great. I believe it’s a thing of good luck, so I’ll probably end up getting a salad for takeout tomorrow evening, good luck for Tuesday 🙂

The meet last Tuesday went great, although I didn’t expect it. The weather was cold, extremely windy, and rainy. There were 9 vaulters, and somehow, in some way, I won, at a height of 8 feet 6 inches, just an inch below my personal record (which was set at an indoor meet at my training facility where it was warm). I was so happy, it felt so great to have shown that I indeed CAN accomplish something in vaulting. It reminded me of a chapter in The Kite Runner that I recently read as requirement in English class. The theme seems to be redemption. Like Amir, I redeemed myself, and though my dad was already proud of my vaulting, my coach didn’t expect the vaulters to take first and second. He expected less, and it felt so good to be able to show him that I was better than he thought, and that faith could be put into me. Redemption.

Friday night wasn’t so great. We had family over for dinner (and by family, I mean 20 people who are mostly all closely related, all crammed into my dining room), and I misinterpreted the freshness of the tomatoes in the tomato salad. It was delicious, but, unfortunately, upset my mouth and throat, and they became itchy. Naturally, I took Benadryl for it, and fell asleep at the dinner table while the adults around me talked about recent events. I felt like a horrible host, especially when everyone was leaving and I woke up after passing out on the couch in the basement. I suppose that’s why I’m still young, so I can make these mistakes and get away with abandoning our guests. Oh well.

So, tomorrow is Western Easter… Haha, I don’t have much to say to that, considering I have a month and 5 days to go! I’m hoping it wears the competition down (all that candy and overeating), because this next meet is against our rival school, and their vaulters are FANTASTIC. I’m aiming for third place. That’s my goal. Actually, not even third place. I want to make 9 feet happen. It’ll be a new personal record, and I’ll be able to truly redeem myself in front of my facility’s vaulting coach (who is the vaulting coach for our rival school). He expects 9 feet to take place, and I can’t let him down.

As far as Lent goes, this is where it’s really starting to get rough guys, things are going downhill… or uphill, whichever one is bad. But my spirit will stay strong through the week, and I will update when I have time.

Good night.

Choose rather to be strong of soul than strong of body.
– Pythagoras

1 – Prologue

  1. Day: -6
  2. Weight: 114.0 lbs
Day 1 of Track, 7 days until fasting starts

Day 1 of Track, 7 days until fasting starts, fit and full.

Hello,

So, somehow you must have gotten to this page… Anyway, thank you for visiting. I appreciate it. To start, I am Serbian Eastern Orthodox Christian, and Lent starts later than “normal” Lent this year. Hence the reason why I’ve started a blog. Otherwise, I wouldn’t blog, I find no reason to, with Facebook and Twitter and all.

The first post is always the most difficult, like a paragraph to an essay, or a novel. I have to somehow get a boat load of information to you in a short enough amount of time that you understand but you’re not bored by it.

Anyway, I’m Orthodox, so during “our” Lent, I’m required by religion to go not vegetarian, but Vegan: no meat, no dairy (or anything that comes from an animal). Okay, so that might be a little difficult but no big deal, you may think, but my position is a bit more complicated than that. I have a form of Oral Allergy Syndrome, which means I’m allergic to a lot, specifically anything that comes from a tree: pollen, fruit, vegetables, tree nuts (walnuts, macadamia, etc). But, I’m also allergic to the other fruits and vegetables for some reason; almost anything that grows from the ground and doesn’t go through processing are dangerous (besides lemons, grapes, bananas on a good day, and peanuts, surprisingly [the most widespread allergy around]). So, during my 54 days of fasting, I’m limited to these things:

  • Seafood
  • Shortening containing vegetable ingredients only (a baking ingredient)
  • Margarines containing vegetable ingredients only (a butter substitute)
  • Noodles and pastas NOT made with eggs
  • All-natural grain flours, cornstarch, cocoa powder
  • Rice, wheat, barley, caraway, oats, natural tapioca
  • Hot and cold cereals like corn flakes, puffed wheat and rice, shredded wheat, oatmeal, farina, etc. (but NO milk with them)
  • Peanut butter
  • Some crackers (read the label carefully to make sure they’re vegan)
  • Corn chips, potato chips and popcorn fried in vegetable oil or shortening only (not good with track though, so I stay away from them)
  • Tea, coffee, cider, juices, soft drinks
  • Jellies, jams
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