11 – If You… We Have Something in Common (Re-do/Summary)

Day: 54

Weight: 103

 

So much reminiscing has been done the past week and a half…fasting does that to me, being in a dreamy state and all. I don’t know why or how, comprehension isn’t easy. Conversations have arisen where I remember past events, one in particular that I’ve had trouble forgetting and not dwelling on. 

In the summer of 2011, when I was 15, I was raped by a 19 or 20 year old on a college campus in the mountains. It’s a long painful story I won’t be sharing the details of, but the words keep replaying in my head: “You can’t tell anyone. No one can know about this or about me.” That’s all he kept saying. That and, “Relax, you’re fine.” 

But I wasn’t fine. It changed me. I immediately isolated myself from my family. I couldn’t face them without being harsh to my sisters. I sat in my room worrying about STD’s, possible pregnancy, and whether I should tell someone what happened. In the end, I told a few close friends, but my family still does not know, and I plan on KEEPING it that way. I was tested later and the tests came back negative for any diseases etc. Instead of going on a hunt for my predator, I forgave him and let him go. He had college and a football scholarship to maintain, and it sounds wrong that I didn’t report, but I was afraid of being looked at differently by my family. That’s what I fear the most: being seen as a different person to my family. Things are a lot better now. Miss Z, I’ve needed that hug this week. Thank you ❤

It’s the last night of fasting. I have to leave for church in 15 minutes, and when I get home, it will be May 5th: Easter. We call it Pascha, and I won’t be allowed to eat from midnight until 1pm tomorrow. The 13 last hours of starvation. Then it’s over. You have no idea how excited I am.

 

Thank you to everyone that stuck with me through this, especially Miss Z for reading every post and following up with me about them the next day. For bringing food and making sure I was eating. For the kind texts, the advice, and the prayers. You helped me so much.

To my blog followers: simply put, you guys are awesome. I will post again sometime this week when I’m not too busy.

I must go. Thank you again, have a wonderful night ❤

 

“When the shriveled skin of the ordinary is stuffed out with meaning, it satisfies the senses amazingly.” Virginia Woolf